Hello interweb and blog followers. I posted that I would once again attempt to blog on a daily basis. At this point I still do not know what exactly I will blog about, but for now this will just be an outlet for me to vent, journal, and share whatever I feel may enlighten/entertain at least one individual. If no one on this earth wants to read this I completely understand, but I'm still going to try. And i realized the only posts on here are forever long; hell, I didn't even feel like reading those huge paragraphs. That being said, it is now a goal of mine to shorten the blogs; however, this one will most likely be entirely too long. I have to catch up on things, so here I go. Last year when I started this blog I was as happy as ever and looking forward to the future. Then my bipolar/manic depressive personality (or whatever you want to call or diagnosis it) kicked in. I became a hermit, a bear in hibernation, a depressed individual. All i could do is sleep, eat, and go to work, which to some might seem fine, but for me I hated it. In my mind I had no potential, no friends, a crazy family, and no hope for a bright, happy future. Living/existing seemed more like a chore than a privalege. I prayed to God to just end it (life). Of course, suicide is never something I would commit, even still I had no desire to continue living. I could go on and on about my life during this point in time, but I feel like you can get the point.
Btw, I need to learn how to write using paragraphs haha. Anywho, as usual I bounced back to my regular, outgoing, happy self. The problem is that when I am that crazy Marcus, I tend to be much more irresponsible and get in trouble. For example, I had plans to go shopping and pay off some debt with my income tax return. Instead, I spent $799 on my Volvo because I hit a curb, or a curb hit me as I like to say. Even after that setback, I still felt great and was excited about things to come. Little did I know what the end of February and beginning of March had in store. Here is where I have to shorten the detail of the events because this last month has been quite possibly the craziest turn of events that I have ever encountered in such a short amount of time.
I'll start with a Thursday night at the Olive Garden. Chris, a manager there, out of his own selfish/irrational/unprofessional thinking and actions pissed me off. The next night I have a screaming fest with two of my former roommates. Let me fill you in on these two people. They are both morbidly obese, and since August neither of them had a job, nor did they seem to want to get one. They are selfish, greedy, cheap, and overall just awful people. I liked them tho, and I had fun chilling, hanging out, and getting to know them. But that Friday night, I did not like them at all. I came home from a night out and brought along some friends. I had the music up loud because I am nearly deaf and I also just enjoy loud music. The two roommates proceed to bang on the floor/walls. I took that as I am being to loud, so I turned the music off in the living room and turned some music on in my bedroom. Even still, B.B. (i won't say their real names, and that stands for broke b*tch because that's what she was) came downstairs and asked me to turn the music off. Before I proceed with my reaction to that let me explain that for the past seven months of living with these people I never had friends over, never played music loud, never got to pick music/movies to watch, and had to put up with them screaming/fighting with each other at all hours of the day and night. So basically i let them do their thing for seven months and for just one week I was the loud one. Now, on to my reaction. I went f*cking nuts for lack of a better phrase. All the frustration and feelings that I had bottled up for seven months all came out at once. I was screaming and yelling and what I learned from witnesses is that I told her to "go the f*ck upstairs and shut the f*ck up you fatass!" among many other things. Her boyfriend/whom I will call B.B. as well for broke bum, got involved and sh*t got crazy. By the end of it the male B.B. cornered me in the kitchen. Mind you I have never been in a physical fight, but when a 400 lb. bipolar man corners me in a mad rage, then the only thing I could think of is to punch him in his face. That is exactly what I did, and to my surprise I hit him square in the eye on my first blow. Needless to say, I moved out of that awful hell hole that I had to call home for too long. Oh and I forgot to mention that these two bums owed me large amounts of money.
Now, on to Saturday night. I went to a paint party/rave/house/d.j. music event called Dayglow at the Knoxville Convention Center. Normally, the convention center wouldn't have cops everywhere, but you must understand this wasn't a bridal show or the fantasy of trees. It was in short a rave party with lots of rave kids like myself. It was quite possibly the most unorganized, chaotic venue I have ever been to in my life. Because of this chaos, confusion set in. I passed the table where we were supposed to get our wristbands. An officer then comes running up to me, screaming and yelling that I was supposed to get a wristband. How in the hell was I to know that if no one told me and there was no sign indicating I was supposed to do that. I politely say to the officer, "I'm sorry, I didn't know because no one told me." Had i left it at that then I would been able to enjoy the show, but since I had been walked all over by my roommates and by one of my managers, I decided to open my big mouth and said, "Officer, I really do not appreciate how you just yelled at me." The officer then told me to leave, but before I could process that I was thrown to ground, pushed further to the ground by another officer, handcuffed, and then sent to jail. Of course, they had to slap a fine on me, so they charged me with public intoxication. Was i in public, yes? Was i intoxicated? maybe, but I am quite certain i could have blown under the legal limit to operate a vehicle. I ended up sitting in jail for 12 hours; it was not until 10 the next morning that I got out, even tho my paperwork, fingerprints, and processing was complete at 4 a.m. Not to disrespect police officers, but most of the ones I came encounter with that night and morning were awful people and terrible at their jobs. I can only assume that the officer who arrested me was too much of a wuss to actually find real criminals, so he had to pick on a little rave kid so he could meet his quota. Fortunately I have a court date in May, a lawyer, justice, and God on my side. Two weeks after this event I have a disagreement with the same manager at work, which led to me leaving Olive Garden as an employee. I had already put my notice in, but I had not planned on leaving until I had another job. So my plan was to stay at OG, but God had something else in mind as usual cause He is just a tad wiser than I am haha.
As you have should have already figured out, I am now homeless, unemployed, and awaiting a court date where I, or my lawyer rather, will have to stand up against the injustice that Knox County has given me. I say I am homeless, but what I really mean is I have no lease/room/apt. of my own. I have had the luxury of sleeping in many beds and on many couches at various friends/acquaintices. After all this craziness ensued, I had to stop and ask God what in the world was going on. It's time like these that you realize how much you do need a higher power to help you. I've only mentioned some of the big things that happened, let alone all the small stuff that sometimes is even worse. What i realized, tho, is that I think God either let this happen or made it happen for a lot of reasons. Many of those reasons I may never know, but what I can assume is that I finally came out of my depression and I'm ready to live my life. I'm ready to burn my bridges here in Knoxville and get the hell out of this beautiful, but narrow minded, Bible Belt. But before I could do that God had to make sure that I was ready and that I could handle multiple blows at once. I feel like I've done pretty well, and I know that I have had a lot of help. Ultimately, I've learned who really cares about me, who is really going to be there for me, and who I should keep in my life even when I move far away. So many people tried to give me advice, rules, and restrictions since all of this has happened; they tried to blame for things and dwell on my mistakes instead of focusing on the here and now. I don't need people in my life that do those things. I need people to hold me accountable, but not to tell me how to live and be accusatory all the time. Because when it comes down to it, I have to make my own choices and live my own life.
WOW!!!! I did not mean to write this much, but I feel like this has been one of the most eventful time periods in my life so I wanted to write some of the events down to remember, ponder, and reflect upon them. I thank Jesus, my family, and my real friends for an amazing life!!!!! God bless and please stay tuned and I promise future posts will much less boring and much shorter. I would love feedback from any and everybody.
Deuces and Love,
Marcus :)
